An Ode to Indoor Plumbing (why not?)

with apologies to Abe Lincoln

Not indoor plumbing. Obvs.

When in the course of human events,

Said events comprising the better part of a day

Involving a saunter into yon Big Box hardware

Store followed thereafter by a two-and-a-half

Hour reconnoiter at the Big Blue Box store for a new

Communication device, sending one forth with

Much haste to an hour-long phone conversation

Already on the calendar about books and business,

It is necessary and yea, utterly required, that one

Replenish one’s battered soul and obliterated brain

By standing through any and all means for a

Minimum of thirty minutes under a steady stream of

Soothing and nourishing drops of warm water, unhindered

By any outside alarm and thus ministered to greatly

In body, soul and spirt, said rushing rivulets of

Quiet—both literally and figuratively—all the while

Composing these very lines about the refreshing

Aspect and utter joys of indoor plumbing with

More than adequate shower heads.

Until and unless said ravishing streams of water

(the perfect temperature) suddenly and no more are

Stopped, dribbling as a wet rag over one’s head

Because, lo, thine husband is setting repairs outside

To another line of irrigation, this time for flora, not

People, and the water pressure is yea, so very

Much more in their favor. In which case it

Becomes necessary to cease entirely one’s

Placement in said stream and composing of an

Internal ode to hot water and record instead—

For posterity—one’s near death at the hands of such

A wanton spouse who recklessly handles repairs

With wild abandon and nary a care towards

Your present state of mental and physical refreshing,

Unaware as he is of your current situation and

Enjoyment of indoor plumbing.

And yet, praise be, here you sit at last, recovered and

In your right mind, rejoicing for such a visit to that

Glistening indoor stream, however brief, completing your toilet

And retiring to one’s bed, grateful for pillows,

Feather-filled, and a light to compose by, returning

Once again to a moment’s peace of mind, body and soul

As words pour out on the page, much as that same liquid

Stream, and Posterity receives one more written deposit

From your pen. Amen.